Oscar winners Three 6 Mafia are recording and producing tracks with Paris Hilton. "We ran into her at a William Morris Agency party and she said she liked our song 'Stay Fly' and asked could we work with her," one of the group's members told a newpaper recently. "We let her listen to a dance track and she really liked it and plans to record it tonight."

Who remembers coming home from school, telling their mummy to make them some goddamn food with no goddamn burnt bits this time bitch, and watching Sabrina The Teenage Witch? I do and it was as awesome as shit, probably more awesome than that time I passively smoked crack and thought four hours was ten minutes. I've run out of things to say on this blog and it shows. You're an axe wound.

Brit Brit gives Kevin aka K-Dog aka K-Luvva a birfday mauling. I hope her daddy never dressed up like that.

Jennifer Lopez's hubby Marc Anthony shows some love to the camera. I swear he's a Columbian druglord. There's an ass-FARCer joke in there somewhere, but only for people with extensive geo-political knowledge like me.

Nick Lachey has been getting over that Simpson broad with a new model. The girl who ‘played’ Jessica disappearing from his life in his Justin Timberlake style vid has now become his real life girlfriend. Chisel cheekboned Nick has reportedly been seen getting ‘hot and heavy’ with VJ Vanessa Minnillo.

An onlooker at a bar they were at said: ‘I saw tongues on skin.’ The twosome were then seen together the next night eating out.

But one of Nick’s mates reckons there’s nothing wrong with Nick seeing Vanessa: ‘Nick’s a single guy,’ he said.

Some people say pregnancy is the worst STD around...looks like it's true.

Kevin Smith spoke to the students of The University of Pennsylvania the other night and called Nicole Richie a whore and Reese Witherspoon a James Blunt.

The obese 35-year-old director of such acclaimed films as Jersey Girl told the students how much he hated Reese Witherspoon.

He said: "I did vote for her for 'Walk the Line' because she was so good. I forgot how much I hated that c*nt!"

He also told a story on how he asked Selma Blair for Reese's address. Selma is a good friend of Reese and auditioned for Kevin once.

He said: "You know where that bitch lives? I want to roll up on Weezy Reesey's house and egg that motherfucker 'cause fuck her!"

And like the total fat bastard he is, he told the kids that Nicole Richie once pulled Jason Mewes , his redneck buddy, into a bathroom and did the nasty with him.

Nicole Richie's spokesman responded: "She didn't know his real name till I explained, then said: 'I met him but, ewwwww! Are you kidding me? I've never ever had sex with him.'"

I know I'm legally banned from taking cheap shots at retards but some people are just begging for a good kickin'. Like these two incest-hounds. K-Fed was promoting his wack album in Atlanta and thought hell, why not bring his ol' dirty bastard of a wife along too.

God this pair make me

This is Jordan, Britain's adorable little French fry, traumatising a small child in the name of promo for her new cack tome in Ireland. I can't believe she's still hawking this piece of shit. Actually, I'm just relieved I got through this post without one disability gag.

Mmmm, STDs are seh-cksy...

And within minutes, its reached the bargain bin price....so you can buy the book as well as a set of those comedy eyelashes, all for a pound! Now thats value!

After beating off stiff competition from the likes of Victoria Beckham and Coleen McLoughlin, violent Geordie Cheryl Tweedy has won the honour of being voted Britain’s sexiest real life footballers wife.

FHM readers voted Cheryl top, followed by Alex Curran, girlfriend of Steven Gerrard, Harry Kewell’s other half Sheree Murphy came third.

Professional shopper Coleen only made fourth, but at least she did better than Victoria Beckham, who didn’t come anywhere in the list. Boo frickety hoo.