The Beckhams leaving for a restaurant, setting a new standard for charva scum everywhere. According to OK! magazine, Paris Hilton is the latest celeb to be after Becks. They reckon she's obsessed with him, hates Posh - who doesn't - and wants to snare him. Badly.

David's written a blog. It's shit boring. Get it here. But only if you're like a groupy or something.

Mischa Barton probably won't be impressed to hear that her ex-boyfriend, Cisco Adler, was spotted 'making out' with Paris Hilton at Guy's karaoke night in LA last Tuesday. The socialite was seen kissing the rocker and even gave him a lap dance, according to onlookers. Paris also took to the stage and performed Bette Davis Eyes and her own 'hit', Stars Are Blind, for the crowd.

Jessica Alba has reportedly split from her boyfriend of two-and-a-half-years, Cash Warren, according to reports in America. The Fantastic Four actress is said to have ended her relationship with the producer over the phone, while she was abroad promoting her latest film. One source claimed Jessica called Warren and said, "I'm not in love with you anymore," then sent an assistant round to their home to pack up his belongings and move them out. An insider said the breakup "happened...almost out of nowhere. [Cash] thinks it's for another guy but doesn't know....he's totally devastated. But it was all her." Jessica's people have not commented on the story.

Rumours are surfacing that Lindsay Lohan's hard-partying lifestyle and famous shopping habit have taken their toll on her finances. The Mean Girls actress reportedly froze her assets while she was in rehab at the Promises centre, so she wouldn't be tempted to spend her money on drink and drugs. One source said that her $5 million fortune is running low: “The money that she has isn’t really there anymore. There’s no money saved up.” Another insider claimed that Lindsay has been attempting to sell photos to the paps for $30,000.

Britney Spears' bodyguard has been charged with battery after getting involved in a scuffle with photographers who were trying to take pictures of the star in a Las Vegas hotel. Cesar Julio Camera is accused of punching a pap and shoving another into a wall and while no serious injuries resulted, Britney's young sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James, were caught up in the distressing drama. Vegas police officer John Loretto reported, “There were no signs of injuries to her or the children, nor is she listed as a victim.” According to the custody arrangements between Britney and her ex, Kevin Federline, she is not supposed to take their children out of state.

Kirsten Dunst has reportedly thrown her rocker boyfriend, Johnny Borrell, out of her Islington home because he is too messy. The Razorlight frontman recently moved in with the Spider-Man 3 actress, but according to sources his habit of riding his scooter through her sitting room infuriated the house-proud star. One source reported, 'Kirsten is incredibly tidy – she is obsessive when it comes to cleaning. Johnny is messy and it was driving her mad. Kirsten has asked him to move back into the place he shares with an old pal in nearby Muswell Hill. They are taking some time out.'

Nicole Richie has been sentenced to four days in jail for driving under the influence. The Simple Life star appeared in court on Friday in LA and pleaded guilty to the charges, which relate to her arrest in December 2006 when she was found driving the wrong way on a freeway. Her boyfriend, Good Charlotte singer Joel Madden, accompanied her to court. Nicole, who is rumoured to be pregnant with her first child, was fined $2,048 and ordered to attend a 21-day alcohol education course. Superior Court Commissioner Steven K. Lubell told the socialite, "You are not to drive with any measurable amount of alcohol or drugs in your system. You are not to drive without a driver's license." Nicole must serve her sentence before 28 September 2007.

Now, that's a mugshot! Proper monged out and confused. Bitch was arrested for DUI and coke in Santa Monica. Read up on it here.

Victoria plus chums, of course! My comedy genius is smokin' today. You know David's harbouring some serious hatred for this ho.

See him defending the silly cow [under duress, probably] in his nasal, girlish voice here.

In other Beckham news, it's reckoned that Lindsay Lohan has made a $25 000 bet with her pals that she can pull David Beckham now he's in LA. Posh is gonna have her heart in a box!