Britney Spears is a dumb motherlover. Bringing shame on girls everywhere [again], the ho didn't know how to re-fuel her car and had to get the paparazzi to it for her. Which obviously isn't at all hypocritical.

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Lindsay Lohan took time out of the Spears-Hilton love-in to hang out at Guy's in LA.

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K-Fed faced the paparazzi like a trooper when he went out to Mr Chow's in LA the other night. He didn't even show his crotch, unlike a certain someone, who's been putting it all over town. And people said it was him bringing her down....

The latest rumour is that Kevin was cheating on Brit for a full month before the divorce was filed, with some pornstar or other.

Hmm, so maybe Britney and Paris isn't true love after all. According to US Weekly, Brit is said to have pulled out of co-hosting the Fox Billboard Music Awards with Paris in a few days time. The oragnisers are pissed off. "She pulled out," confirms a source with Fox. "We really don't know the reason. But we're disappointed she backed out."

On one of their nights out, meanwhile, Paris is said to have vomited on stage during a performance of one of her songs. That's so hardcore.

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Paris Hilton is said to have gone on three dates [a record, surely] with notorious Welsh lothario, Steve Jones. His [alleged] previous conquests include Pamela Anderson and Halle Berry.

So, it only lasted four months. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock have filed for divorce, citing that oldie, "irreconcilible differences."

And Hilary Duff and her teeth have split with Joel Madden of Good Charlotte.

For the full story of this big ol' publicity stunt, click here.

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It's looking like Paris Hilton has finally found a fatty to replace Nicole. Her and Britney have been seen brown-nosing each other all over the shop these last few days, with Brit even allowing shit brains to hold Sean Preston on a shopping trip. Crazy! They've also been getting shit-faced in LA's clubs whilst wearing one fishnet on their right legs [above]. Probably because they've been taking gay pills.

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The Beckhams have had another security scare at their Madrid house, while Victoria and one-year-old son Cruz were inside. An armed security guard soon apprehended the trespassers, who turned out to be a Japanese film crew making a documentary about the homes of the rich and famous. The journalists were taken away in marked police cars and were released without charge when their story was confirmed. A source said: "It might seem a bit excessive... But they could have been anyone. And the Beckhams have to take extraordinary security measures to protect themselves. That includes having two uniformed Spanish guards armed with pistols worn on their belts at all times. There is also a team of British security guards, all ex-military, on hand 24 hours a day. Victoria and the children never leave the house without them." A spokesperson for the Beckhams added: "Japanese fans are great but they are the most intensive fans on the planet."

New BFFs Paris and Britney, a.k.a. Bad meets Evil, got into trouble with the police when neighbours complained about an all-night party at the Hilton heiress's house. Flashing paparazzi bulbs bothered locals as Paris, Brit and their celeb pals partied into the small hours after the American Music Awards. An onlooker said: "Paris' mansion was surrounded by paparazzi as the celebrities kept arriving. It wasn't long before the police were called… Paris tried to turn on her schoolgirl charm with the officers but they told her to ask everyone to leave." Photos: Splash