Uh-oh! There were no record labels stupid enough to take up Kevin Federline's doomed musical attempt, and so he's decided to release it off his own (unwashed) back. His first single PopoZao *!* is to be released at midnight, January 1st, on Yahoo's download service.

I've just visited 'Daddy's' website again with the sound up, and a sample of his jam is played during the intro. It's like he's trying to do the crunk, dirty south thing, but it just comes off as total shit. He sounds like Louis Theroux impersonating Li'l Jon.

"Keep messing with ma fam'ly an' you're through." Haha, keep cleaning that dumb broad out K-Fed.

Oh and it also turns out that the K-Fed website is hosted on Britney's server. Now, I don't understand all that technical gubbins, but I think I've garnered that this is yet more of his grabby-grabby lameness. That boy is one hot mess.

Time now for my hotly anticipated, post-Christmas return. The festive period was a thoroughly joyous occasion, mostly spent wigged off our brains on mainlined cleaning fluids. I received gifts of quality and quantity, and consumed my own body weight in confection. Back to Newsblog I come, satiated and - to be honest - slightly discombobulated.

I'll begin this 2005 tribute post with a little blurb about my own blogging debut, just two months prior. I enetered the blogging stratosphere, doing it for the Brits (despite my hatred of other blogs anglais - sorry), highly apprehensive of such an alien land. I have, however, been pleasantly surprised; I now look upon this blog as a friend, a mother, someone I can unload my darkest thoughts to. (Although, not many of those disability or race jokes get past the all-(too-)powerful 'Newsblog God'.)

I would like to send many props to those who have shown us love, such as D-Listed and Celeboganda; to those who slept on it: a plague on both your houses, bitches.

Please excuse such a verbose introduction; to the year's review we must boldly go. A year of particularly tumultous celebrity love life began accordingly when Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt officially split in January. Rife specualation was confirmed - after many vehement denials - that Brad and Angelina Jolie were a couple when they were spotted together may times throughout the year. Brad is now helping to raise Jolie's adopted children Maddox and Zahara.

Blood was also spilled when Jude Law admitted shagging the nanny - Daisy Wright - leaving flaxon-haired Sienna Miller heartbroken. And yet she still goes back for more. Hmmm.

Love's intellectually decrepit dream drew to a close, with Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey splitting acrimoniously. Something tells me Jess's 'Daddy issues' played a part in the  break-up.

Rene Zellweger dropped her hubby Kenny Chesney like he was hot, citing 'fraud' as the reason for the marriage breakdown. The match made in hell lasted just four months.

Britney went from phat to fat as she spawned "Daddy's" bay-bay, largely belived to be called Sean Preston. Her marriage to Kevin Federline has been the subject of prolific tabloid speculation, with rumours of K-Fed's cheating and constant caining. The pair are said to be on the verge of breakdown, with Kevin allegedly labelling Brit 'controlling'.

Charlotte 'Plumpy' Church hooked up with feminine rugger bugger Gavin Henson in February and has managed to sustain something of a relationship with him. The papers went crazy for the story that she mislaid a topless photo which was circulating its way round Wales, although this was later proved false. The Welsh wonder also began a pop career which hasn't exactly taken the world by storm.

Predictably, Paris Hilton added a good few more notches to her bedpost, briefly getting engaged to another Paris, before breaking it off and doing the same with someone called Stavros. The pair are as yet still together but I wouldn't hold my breath (because for one thing, that would be endanger my life).

Paris also hit the headlines for having a very public falling out with Simple Life co-star Nicole Richie. The friendship malfunction is said to have occurred when Nicole played Paris's infamous sex tape to friends at a slumber par-tay. Also said to be a factor is Nicole's physical transformation, which made Hilton see green.

A plucky young lady called Tila Tequila emerged as the first 'internet celebrity', proplelled to some kind of fame by her myspace profile.

heat and its imposters started an embittered and ferocious campaign against anyone thinner than them. heat alone devoted a sizeable (forgive the pun) 18 front covers to skinny-trashing. Bite me you fat bitches.

Live 8 provided the antithisis to a particularly narsisstic year of celebrity, enrolling popstars to get all political and 'raise awareness' (urgh) for the ongoing Make Poverty History campaign. The stage at London's Hyde Park was graced by Coldplay (who knew), Elton John and Madonna who achieved approximately FA.

Celluloid inspiration ran dry this year, with 2005 being given the dubious title of The Year of the Remake. There were dozens of the tedious 'talkies', including King Kong, Lassie, The Producers, Narnia, Pride and Prejudice and Charlie and the Chocoalte Factory. Most were heavily slated by critics.

The music of 2005 will probably go down in history as being some of the worst ever, with utter drivel dominating the British album charts. Jamie Cullum, James Blunt , Kate Melua - all heavyweights in terms of sales this year, and yet if I was feeling suicidal it would be this lot that would push me over the edge. Britain seems to have fallen in love with whiny warbler and ex-Harovian James Blunt; he's even managed to become rhyming slang for the bad word. Good.

The US had more success, with artists such as 50 Cent and the Pussycat Dolls, who achieved global domination with Don't Cha, a musical spit roast featuring Busta Rhymes. Fiddy also had hits a'plenty, with Candy Shop and Window Shopper selling riotously. The big man even made a film, and plans to write G-Unit novellas. That's gangster.

One of the most shocking stories of the year came when Kylie Minogue was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of just 37. She is now undergoing treatment and insists she will make a comeback in 2006.

2005 was also the year many celebrities got on the wrong side of the law. Rapper Lil Kim was jailed for perjury; her rival Foxy Brown is also undergoing a trial. Comedian Chris Langham was apprehended after child porn enquiries. Gary Glitter, arrested after allegedly paying young girls for sex at his Vietnamese property, is now rumoured to have paid off his accusors, so will face the lesser charge of child molestation and up to 12 years in prison if found guilty. He was previously said to be facing a firing squad for charges of child rape. Michael Jackson was famously vindicated after a child abuse trial in the US.

Pete Doherty has also been arrested, alas, too many times to mention, but mostly for reasons involvong crack. He spent the rest of the year dancing to a tune only he could hear, hanging out  with (ie. dra(/u)gging down) Kate Moss and rehabbing for a very short time in Arizona. His dealer even advised him to get tested for HIV - damn, I wish my dealer was that caring.

Several stars have faced the wrath of cocaine accusations in 2005, namely Kate Moss (which started a media frenzy), Jessica Simpson and Kerry Katona. Moss subsequently got sorry, got clean and got about 5000 job offers. One she took up was a Virgin Mobile ad, which included a very rare speaking role; what a shame her voice is at a pitch only certain  breeds of exotic dogs can hear.

So that's it folks, another year almost over. Have a good one. Feel free to add your personal highlights of the year in the comments section. Don't be shy!

Lord only knows what possessed the man to do this, but Yank Romany Kevin Federline has created a truly pathetic website. And, surprisingly, it looks as if it's actually genuine as Brit Brit has linked it from her offcial site. Have a fookin' look at this shit - and chortle at his inane posting.

Click here 

And I thought natural selection was supposed to take care of things like this. Stomach-churning couple Jordan and Peter Andre have declared that they would very much like to have another sprog in 2006. Why not nip over to William Hill and have a guess what stupid name the next child gets. Jordanre reckon they hated each other just after last baby Junior was born. "Katie" said: ‘I hated him and he hated me just after Junior was born.' And hubby Andre adds: ‘There was so much stress built up with a newborn child. Her hormones were all over the place...This time next year I'd like us to be expecting another.’ Excuse me, "us"? This isn't some weird Tom Cruise shit, is it?

Elsewhere, Wayne Rooney has reportedly bought class-ay fiance Colleen an old nag for Christmas. No, he hasn't gone and purchased her that ailing whore he thrashed around with, he's actually got Coll a £70,000 horsey. Awww, romance isn't dead after all. But millions of African children are, so let's think about them.

Sugababes dropout Mutya Buena (RIP) has already been replaced. Just 24 hours after the heart-breaking news, 21-year-old Amelle Berrabah has been drafted in. A self-confessed 'babes groupy, Amelle is of Morrocan descent and looks exactly like Mutya, only kind of thinner and more honky. "For years I've dreamt of breaking into the music business but never did I dare think that one day I would be the third Sugababe," Amelle told The Sun. "When their manager approached me with the offer I was in such a state of shock that I couldn't even answer him. Like millions of girls my age I've grown up with Sugababes' music as a soundtrack to my life. And I've been a fan of theirs for years. I still can't believe my luck." Rumours have been rife for years that in-fighting and back-stabbing (not in a faggy way) have plagued the group. Looking at ghettolicious Amelle, I'm sure she will cope just fine.

Well, that's my Christmas ruined. I am heartbroken. Mutya, of much-ridiculed Sugababes fame, has quit the band after seven fun-filled years. As comic book guy from The Simpsons once said: there is no emoticon for how I'm feeling. Bitch face has decided to call it a day to spend more time with her (illegitimate) baby Tahlia, who was born in March. Another girl is set to take Munt-ya's place and is expected to be named this very afternoon. Is one of such fair grace so easily replaced? Is this nothing but a fickle, cruelty-addled world? Well, yeah, apparently so. Oh well.

 Mutya: Christmas ruiner for the Sugababes

Hollywood heartbreakers Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have tried to work out their differences in a special meal, where they apparently decided that they will be great friends despite evrything that's happened. Like all the cheatin' and beatin' and stuff. The dumb pair agreed that Jess will file for divorce, and loads of other boring legal shit I can't be arsed to regale.

Another blonde bee-hatch has also got all legal of late. Britney Spears is suing Us Weekly for $20million for insinuating that she and hubby Kevin had made a jazz film which had been leaked. The gossip rag are standing by their salacious tale, while Brit insists the whole thing was fabricated.

 Jessica Simpson: Talentless? No way! Never!

Perpetual tit Pete Doherty has been arrested yet again - making that three times in as many weeks. Wanker. The haemerrage of rock was caught driving under the influence and promptly apprehended. We all know that means he'd been at the crack pipe, but for creativity's sake I'll just say it was cough syryp he'd been binging upon, the filthy junky. The coppers held PD - Paedy?? - for six grotesque hours, apparently questioning him over and over again. Oooh, it's a tough life for these criminals, you know. It would almost be worth a journey to the dark side just for the cups of tea and biscuits. Pete reckons he gets on great with the officers and would love to spend Christmas with the boys in blue. You little bitch, Doherty.

 Doherty: worthless twat

She is the red-headed stepchild of the celeb world, and Kerry Katona nearly got beaten like one when she chanced 'pon her arch nemisis at an airport (ooh, the glamour). The skanky scouse bumped into her old BF Joanne - quite literally - and was none too happy, which she graphically demonstrated  by screaming, "You're dead! You're dead!" Kerry - who was voted Quality Street Mum of the Year (oo-er) - has faced numerous cocaine abuse allegations, due to bitter bitch Joanne selling her out to the papers when the friendship hit a rocky patch. Well, Kerry, acting like a pikey spaz is hardly the best way to clear your name when it comes to charlie snorking.

The beef is on, bitches!

 Katona: Beef is on

In a recent magazine interview, pretentious rapper Kanye West took his narcissistic tendencies to preposterous lengths, almost causing this Newsblog Ed to choke on her otherwise non-hazardous tea."Clothes are not a superficial thing with me,” he warbled wistfully. “I look at them like paints.” Do you Kanye, do you really? Apparently though, those gold chain and white t-shirts ensembles do actually require an arts degree to drape together. “I put together outfits like I'd put together a painting," he assures us. You ass, Kanye, you absolute ass. You come out with two genius albums and then you make a nonsensical comment like the that. You are the official cotton-headed ninnymuggins of the year. Now clean my boots.

For the love of God, no! Hillbilly pop tart Britney Spears has hired Madonna's production team to get her back to her slutty musical worst. The crass 'singer' - who sounded like she was having an Asthma attack on raunchy hit I'm A Slave 4U - has apparently said she wants her next album to be 'cross between Kylie and Madonna with an electric edge'. Bloodshy and Avant will take on the laborious and frankly unenviable task of turning Spears into some kind of princess of pop (again). Songwriter Peer Astrom who worked with Man-donna on her latest album will also attempt to coax the uncivilised whore-bag into writing something called a 'song'. Lucky old us. Brit Brit has spent the last two years under the guise of a tatooed, unwashed brothel employee. Let's hope the new management team teaches her some social decorum - y'know, wearing clothes, closing your mouth when you eat, washing, that kind of thing.Yee-haw!