Tara Reid. [Probably] so shit-faced she couldn't wheeze to the end of the road if Nazi Porn Dwarves II was being filmed.

The Olsen twins look gothic and strange nowadays, like they'll cut themselves in an instant. Here's Ashley biting the hand that fed her for so many years.

Lindsay Lohan....white like 'caine.

Beyoncé huntin' fo' fried chicken.

Lindsay Lohan is learning to pole dance for her latest movie role as a topless stripper in I Know Who Killed Me. Supposedly a load of her e-mails have been mysteriously leaked to the internet of late. Here's a good'un:

Subject: "They're all whores, they're all whores . . . xcept for some obviously!"

"So . . . 3 hours of pole dancing and bruised. everywhere . . . I mean we're talkin' like, UPPER AND INNER THIGH ACTION-bruised . . . like a walking black-and-blue mark.
"I mean really though, really, I didn't know it was actually possible to have bruises in such areas of the body. Strippers dude, I tell you, I really respect the [c-words]s now. . . I'm not gonna lie to ya."

Professional hick Britney Spears discovered an unwelcome intruder trying to gain access to her car while she was stuck in Hollywood traffic. An unnamed man opened the door to her SUV and tried to climb in, but security guards at the Standard hotel saw what was going on and intervened, removing the 'fan' from Brit's vehicle. She was then spotted trying to calm herself down, before entering the hotel.

You'd need to be a bloody savant to keep count of all the times Paris Hilton has become engaged to, then broken up with, her various billionaire boyfriends, and now it seems she's intent on marrying Stavros Niarchos – heir to a Greek shipping dynasty and Mary-Kate Olsen's ex. She revealed her wedding plans at a party in West Hollywood, saying, "It's true, I am going to get married. I want a fairytale wedding and Britney's going to be my matron of honour. She can advise me." Apparently Paris' future in-laws are less than thrilled with their son's choice of bride, but Paris seems determined to become the next Jackie Onassis. A source said: "There's no date set but she's adamant she'd want a wedding in Los Angeles and also a big celebration over in Greece." Source: Glamour

Ooh, there ain't no love lost between Jonathan Ross and Madonna. At Wednesday night's British Comedy Awards, Rossy made a ill-judged quip about Madge's recent adoption of baby David Banda in Malawi. "Congratulations on your lovely little black baby, David," he said. "Are you stopping there or getting more? When I went to Africa, all I got was a wallet." Despite Madonna hitting back with a remark about "getting a black eye", the mutual dislike was plain for all.

See more photos @ BBC

UK band Girls Aloud are always happy to jump on their soapboxes and now they've stepped into the arena of politics in an interview with heavyweight political magazine The New Statesmen. New Tory leader David Cameron did not impress Cheryl Tweedy: "Politicians know we get listened to by more young fans than they do. That's why David Cameron said he fancied me. He was just trying to be cool. I bet he couldn't name a single song of ours. Do I fancy him? No! Politicians should stop trying to be cool and get on with running the country." The girls gave plenty of dumb quotables, including: "There should be adverts in the breaks during Coronation Street spelling it out in bullet points: this is what the Conservatives stand for. This is what Labour stands for." Cheryl summed up, saying, "Why did he [Tony Blair] take us to war? It affects the young more than anyone because they've got to go out into it." Source: Glamour

It's often wondered how Peaches Geldof managed to conduct a DJ-ing career and hard-partying lifestyle while being famously underage. Now all has been revealed – the little tyke has a fake ID. A bouncer at Camden's Koko nightclub spotted she had doctored her passport and turned her away. An onlooker said, "Peaches went to the front of the queue flashing her fake ID. The bouncer chucked her out. But she went round the back and got in anyway." Source: Glamour

Britney and Paris have been getting shit-faced on the regular, but it looks like the party's over for the pair. A source revealed that the reason for the message that Britney posted on her website apologising for her behaviour and promising to turn over a new leaf was that her 'people' have banned her from hanging out with Paris. The source said, "Britney has been told by her people that if she ever wants a comeback, she has to stay far away from Paris and start acting like an adult."